I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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