So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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