it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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