He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
