I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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