You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.