I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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