I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.