I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You drinking a lot?
Define a lot
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Blame the bisexuality and move on?