Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low