i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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