One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
