this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
