I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
