I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
