Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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