Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
