mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We don't watch enough power rangers
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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