I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Randomize
