SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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