Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
