After last night, I could never be a politician.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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