i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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