Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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