Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
