so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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