In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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