Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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