hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
