maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize