i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
