I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
