he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
