I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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