How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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