last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
