That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
