how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
