between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
