I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
