Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
