i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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