They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
