No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
