Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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