Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I supernannyed him into submission
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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