Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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