Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
