Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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