your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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