before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
