so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
