I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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