Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
