Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You are a genius and a whore.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
