If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
