I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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