we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
