He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
as a side note pls kill me
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
