Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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