My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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