So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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