pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
