if you like me you must not know who I am
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
