That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This baby is an asshole
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
