I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
