I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
