please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
