A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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