i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
