My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
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Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
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Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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