we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We are all done wearing pants today
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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