so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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