dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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