I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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