): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
