She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
