he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
