My cat gives me a boner
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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