You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
