no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
