what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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