i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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