Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
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Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
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