Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
