he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
