So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
