Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
