Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
