Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Randomize
